Here are two songs which are my all time favorites. As soulful music connects to your soul, similarly they connect to mine. Hope you enjoy them too.

. . . Cuz you are there for me too

I recently realized that I contradict myself too often. Maybe its because of fluctuating thoughts. . well on a second thought, it might well as be the reason.

 As I said in my last post, Friends- the people who surround me, whom I think are there just to fill the memory voids, I realized, are not just some form of life surrounding me. They are the ones who give me a reason to live life without ever letting me overlook any reason to smile. As artificial as it might sound, its one thing I realized last night talking to a friend of mine. It made me aware of the fact how I overlook people in general.

My really bad habit of thinking has made me over analyze things which do not even require analysis. But this does not imply that I will be taking them for granted. I know that if one day I don't talk to them I feel like my day  is not complete. I know that if one day I don't get to laugh by irritating them  it will make me feel as if I haven't done an important task of the day.

I don't have much to say now, except an apology in the end. . They have given me my yesterday and my today. . . and a reason to find them in my tomorrow too!

I will be there for you. . . .

Today's post is a bit personal and I don't know whether anyone out there has experienced the same or not but I guess you might have experienced at least something similar to it.

Anyways, the past one week gave me enough time in hand to indulge in a lot of  "thinking process". This time it was not about making decisions nor about taking risks. This time it was about friends, families. . .and the people around me. It was about how they have all left an impact on my life in some way or the other.

To start with . . the people who have influenced me the most - My family. I have no idea about the origin of that word or what that word means in which language. From what I could gauge when I used to see mom and dad of  little kids of my age dropping them to school, attending small events like inter-section racing competition which might not be of any significance now but at that time just waving at your parents sitting in the crowd used to give you such a boost. . I came to know that "the" word held a lot of weight. I never had such an experience because apparently I was born in a house where everyone was too busy to care about such petty stuff. . . (I apologize if I might have sounded rude. . but then thats the way it was). The people who were supposed to mean the world to me were too busy in a world of their own. I am not complaining. I perfectly understood their priorities, their responsibilities and how they just wanted to give me every happiness in this world. But as a kid I was really into throwing tantrums. I always wanted what I didn't have and so I wanted them to be there at every inter section racing competition. I wanted them not just to sign my report card without looking what was really inside it. I wanted them to take me to movies, take me for dinner, take me to play zones. I got all that . . .a bit of it though. . . when I got a brother.
Anyways, now I have grown up. . . .and now all I want is my own space. I want to do things which I want to do. I want freedom. But now something has struck their conscience and they are trying to make up for all of it.And all that it leads to is a non-aligned movement. I am sorry but it's too late and we can't go back.

Next up we have my friends.  Honestly, I didn't know what or who they are, what sharing of lunch meant, why kids used to plead to the teacher, incessantly, to make them sit with their "best friends", why some of them used to miss their buses just to share some of their secrets.. . all this and many more made me smirk at them. . . till I met one person  Most of what I am today is all because of  her. She taught me everything. . . from sharing lunch to fighting with the teacher to allow us to sit together. But slowly we drifted away. . .different priorities and new surroundings introduced us to different people.

After that I have never met a person with whom I have shared the same bond. I haven't met anyone with the same level of understanding.

I have met any people but every time I have issued that golden card of trust to them . . somehow they have always lost it. . and now I have run out of them, so I don't any more.

Now I have people around me . . . but I don't know what I have . . maybe  some people who try to influence my thinking everyday. Some people who make up my memories . . .

Maybe some other day I will talk about trust and friendship exclusively. . . .this was just a starter . . the entrée is yet to come.

Shopping For Life :)

This is one soul touching poem I recently read somewhere. . .and so I decided to take you all on a shopping spree :) . . .  :

As I was walking down life's

highway many years ago

I came upon a sign that read

'Heaven's Grocery Store'.

When I got a little closer

the doors swung open wide

And when I came to myself

I was standing inside.

I saw a host of angels,

They were standing everywhere

One handed me a basket

and said,"My child shop with care."

Everything a human needed

was in that grocery store

And what you could not carry

you could come back for more.

First I got some Patience.

Love was in that same row.

Further down was Understanding,

you need that everywhere you go.

I got a box or two of Wisdom

and Faith a bag or two.

And Charity of course 

I would need some of that too.

I couldn't miss the Holy Ghost

It was all over the place

And then some Strength

and some Courage to run this race.

My basket was getting full

but I remembered I needed Grace,

And then I chose Salvation for

Salvation was for free

I tried to get enough of that to do for you and me.

Then I started to the counter

to pay my grocery bill,

For I thought I had everything

to do the Master's will.

As I went up the aisle

I saw Prayer and put that it,

For I knew when I stepped outside

I would run into sin.

Peace and Joy were plentiful,

the last things on the shelf.

Song and Praise were hanging near

so I just helped myself.

Then I said to the angel

" Now how much do I owe?"

He smiled and said

"Just take them everywhere you go."

Again I asked,"Really now,

How much do I owe?"

"My child," he said," God paid your

bill a long long time ago."

You will be "All Right"!

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

Sometimes you really don't know what you want from yourself. . . you really don't know what is it that you expect out of yourself or probably its a decision regarding a choice which you are not able to make. . . .you really don't know what is it that gives you more happiness than what you have today. . .
And when you cant get to the bottom of these questions you feel lost. . . .lost in the thick jungles of self-doubts where you try to find a new path out of it everyday but what you find is just another dead end. . .you wish that someday through that thick canopy above your head a ray of sun will tickle your conscience and you will be back on track. . . .
'Experimenting' - people tell me to keep on with it and someday i will be able to clear the thick clouds of unanswered questions that hover above my head. . . .
But experimenting is all about hit and trial. . and surely nobody likes taking risks. . .or chances. Simple maths tells us that the probability that the "experiment" will do the trick for us  is same as the probability that you might end up riding on the back of a wrong horse.
So where do I search for the answers?. . . .I can't google it out for sure!. . .but then where?
The irony is that of all the questions I want to be answered this one tops the list and a greater irony is that this one holds the key to all the questions.
Every morning I wake up I start on a journey to discover the solutions to these questions. .which eventually might solve some of my predicaments. . . and though everyday I move a step closer to what I really want yet I feel that I still have a long way to go.
Just a few days perhaps weeks ago I discovered that flowing with the waters is sometimes the best way to go when you don't know the direction in which to row your boat. . .. . . And I think I have contradicted myself here. . . but sometimes you just don't see any other option. . .
Sometimes when you don't know what is the BEST for you, try and go with what is atleast GOOD for you. . . .and when you don't even know what is GOOD for you then you really don't know what is BAD for you. . . It's time then that you try knocking on an unknown door. . . I might just do the same . . . :)